Did you think I had died

in Tennessee?

Not quite.
I was told that we were going to Gatlinburg, try Pigeon Forge.
Even more painful.
The cabin was knotty pine. On all surfaces. Floors, ceilings, walls, furniture.
I was in a coffin. By Sunday morning, the the knots were forming evil faces. Not kidding.

When we go on vacation, the only rule, is that we don't eat at any restaurant that we have at home. Well the "family" doesn't do the unfamiliar. We ate at Red Lobster, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and Cracker Barrel. I was told to "just deal and go along with what they wanted." Seriously, we waited 45 minutes to eat at Red Lobster and rather than wait for a table for all of us to eat together, I ate at a table for 4 with Paintboy and the boys. If I would have known the seating arrangements I would have left and went somewhere else.
While standing and waiting for our table, SIL said,"I love this town! Its so white. I mean there isn't even any white trash." Priceless statement, as that you instantly become white trash by crossing the county line. As far as the eye could see, people excited about racing go carts, shopping in outlets, eating pancakes and attending dinner shows by "has been" country music stars. This statement was made by a woman that gives here children coffee in their sippycups. I don't mean cream with a splash of coffee: real coffee, splash of cream 2 splenda, just like I take mine. Her youngest walks around in the morning with his coffee and a sour expression. I think he needed a cigarette, he looks like a Winston Man. I am in Hell.

MIL ordered PizzaHut for dinner- 2 large. Did I mention that there are 8 adults and 4000 children? Paint boy ran through Taco Bell for SIL kids(at her insistence) and picked up an extra dozen tacos. I seriously ate the crust off my kids pizza for dinner.

The list goes on and on, but at one point I was asked if I was "too good" to be there. The honest answer-YES!
As we left town, PB said that we should find the cabin for next year.
After about an hour, he said that maybe we could find a place somewhere else.
Another hour and he is still contemplating where.
By the time we get home he says that next year we are going back to exchanging gifts and to forget the entire trip thing.
He also promised to never take me back there again!

3rd ring of Hell

"I'm goin' straight to Hell, just like my momma saaaid. I'm goin' straight to hell."
If you went to college in the South you know that song like the back of your hand. Thank you Drivin' and Cryin' for many a sing along in the bars. Seriously people, I think they may still be playing the college bar scene!

I am headed today to Hell.
Yes, that's right. Gatlinburg, TN.
I know that some of you love the quaint little village.
Love the outlet shopping.
Love the "dinner shows".
Love the go carts and the putt-putt.

I do not share the love.
I am going to a large cabin with my husband's family.
12 IL's and NO alcohol.
Hell.
Its all I'm sayin', pure Hell.


ETA- I am still sitting here blogging at 11 am. I haven't packed the first thing and the SUV will roll out of the driveway at 12:30. A little passive aggressive this morning???

I hate commercials

You know the one, it comes on every night during the news.
ED.
Erectile Dysfunction.

This morning C says he needs to talk. He wants to know why the commercial says to "see a doctor if an erection lasts more than 4 hours"?
"Well..." I start to explain.
C- "I mean, I get nervous when mine last longer than 4 minutes."
I literally spewed coffee all over the kitchen. Had to clean coffee off everything. That is why I hate ED commercials.

I know, I know

I totally suck at keeping up with my blog lately.

We have all been busy with the Holidays, give me a break girls!

Paint boy knows my track record of Holiday projects.
Christmas 2004- built screened porch
Thanksgiving 2005- built in closet
Christmas 2005- painted master bath
Spring Break 2007- remodeled boys bathroom

All he had to say,"So what are you going to do this week?"
Can you say Paint?
Yes, boys and girls, I am already tired of the Master bath color. Never, ever paint a bathroom red. Real Red. No matter how well it matches the vintage quilt on your bed that week.

This time its a lovely color called Drizzle. A slight blue green, with a touch of gray to give depth.
It only took 2 coats of primer and 2 coats of paint to make the red go away!

3 days of torture followed up every evening with dinner with visiting relatives.
From Boston.
That we see once a year.
They serve cranberry sauce as a condiment.
With every meal.
Not Kidding.

Worst Birthday ever.

Yesterday was the Big day. I have reached my mid-thirties. I remember my Mom being in her mid-thirties, I can't possibly be that old.

Woke up at the IL's. (I agreed to go since Paint boy's birthday is today. He is such a Momma's Boy and always celebrates with family.)
MIL made a huge country breakfast- PB's favorite ( he is #1 in his family)
Rushing around for church, no one mentions the birthday. ( I received a text from a good friend, but that's it!)
Come home from church and I am abandoned with my MIL, while PB and the kids go visit an old friend of FIL. (How did that occur? One minute they are there and the next, POOF! MIL and I sit in the same room, reading magazines and making small talk- still no birthday mention.)
Boys all come back and we head out to get lunch. Every restaurant in this tee-tiny town seems to be closed. We end up at Applebee's. (Could have been worse in the land of Fried, Fried and more Fried. But they wish me a Happy Birthday during lunch!)
During lunch J starts to cry. His "little cough" has sprung a fever and full blown strep throat.
We race back to Atlanta. (I am not taking my baby to a doctor in this town. Even my IL's drive 45 minutes to see a doctor.)
I then get to spend 3 hours at Children's Healthcare to find out that "yes, its Strep." (Can't they just have a line for mom's that can self diagnose? Just look at his throat and give me a scrip for Amoxil. I've been down this road a few times.)
We head to Publix. Yeah for free antibiotics!!! Amoxil, Motrin, new toothbrush and we are out of there.
On the way home PB calls to let me know he has taken care of dinner. Taco Bell. (Are you kidding me? In one day I eat at two restaurants that I avoid like the plague .)
I am all done. Next year has got to be better!

No Big Deal...

So we are sitting at dinner discussing the weeks events on Thursday night.

J is super excited because Friday was "Polar Express" day. You got to wear pajamas to school and drink hot chocolate. They showed the movie on a Big screen in the gym to all the first graders. Classic day in 6 year old land!

C was feeling pretty good himself. He said he had "mid-terms" but they "were no big deal."
Hair girl-"Excuse me? Mid terms occur in the middle of the term. Do you have finals??!?"
C-"Uh,maybe?" ( turning white)
Paint boy- "Have you been reviewing in classes all week? Have your teachers mentioned study guides? Have you lost your mind?" (Growing redder by the moment)
C- (deathly pale, just might pass out from fear, totally stammering) "I think I might head upstairs to study. Tomorrow I have Science, Geography and writing tests. Yeah, I think I'll go study now."
PB- " Good choice, son"

Bless his heart. Sometimes that elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. Especially when there is a sale on the phone calls and girlfriend floor.

Beauty and the Beast

Every year during the Holidays we take the boys to a musical. This year Beauty and the Beast. It was Fantastic! All local performers, so lots of families and friends in the audience.

After the show they came out to greet the "fans"!

J REALLY wanted to meet Belle. He was sooo shy. I had to talk him into just saying "hi".

C ran around and got everyone's autograph. He is convinced that one day he is going to sell all the autographs he has collected on E-bay. He's all about the cash!

The boys enjoyed the music and the performers, but none more so than Belle. According to C, "she was very talented and kinda' hot."

I will only worry if he starts sneaking the Disney DVD into his room.

ETA- Yes, the date stamp says 9/12. These shots were taken by Nana Judy. Guess what she's getting for Christmas?