Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Did you think I had died

in Tennessee?

Not quite.
I was told that we were going to Gatlinburg, try Pigeon Forge.
Even more painful.
The cabin was knotty pine. On all surfaces. Floors, ceilings, walls, furniture.
I was in a coffin. By Sunday morning, the the knots were forming evil faces. Not kidding.

When we go on vacation, the only rule, is that we don't eat at any restaurant that we have at home. Well the "family" doesn't do the unfamiliar. We ate at Red Lobster, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and Cracker Barrel. I was told to "just deal and go along with what they wanted." Seriously, we waited 45 minutes to eat at Red Lobster and rather than wait for a table for all of us to eat together, I ate at a table for 4 with Paintboy and the boys. If I would have known the seating arrangements I would have left and went somewhere else.
While standing and waiting for our table, SIL said,"I love this town! Its so white. I mean there isn't even any white trash." Priceless statement, as that you instantly become white trash by crossing the county line. As far as the eye could see, people excited about racing go carts, shopping in outlets, eating pancakes and attending dinner shows by "has been" country music stars. This statement was made by a woman that gives here children coffee in their sippycups. I don't mean cream with a splash of coffee: real coffee, splash of cream 2 splenda, just like I take mine. Her youngest walks around in the morning with his coffee and a sour expression. I think he needed a cigarette, he looks like a Winston Man. I am in Hell.

MIL ordered PizzaHut for dinner- 2 large. Did I mention that there are 8 adults and 4000 children? Paint boy ran through Taco Bell for SIL kids(at her insistence) and picked up an extra dozen tacos. I seriously ate the crust off my kids pizza for dinner.

The list goes on and on, but at one point I was asked if I was "too good" to be there. The honest answer-YES!
As we left town, PB said that we should find the cabin for next year.
After about an hour, he said that maybe we could find a place somewhere else.
Another hour and he is still contemplating where.
By the time we get home he says that next year we are going back to exchanging gifts and to forget the entire trip thing.
He also promised to never take me back there again!


Just Ask Beth said...

OMG!! You poor thing, Red Lobster and Taco bell you were definitely in HELL.. Bless your heart..

Mom on the Run said...

White trash nightmare. I'm sure Paintboy is like DOTR and thanking you for helping him see that this is not normal....otherwise, how would he ever know?!

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

ha ha ha ha ha

anything else you'd like to share with the group?

Real Housewife of Jefferson County said...

oh my. I'm laughing my tail off! .... You just told the exact story from November 2007 of my experience in Gatlinburg. We must have the same relatives!! The only good thing that came out of the trip was a gorgeous black faux fur coat that everyone asks if it is real!

The wife said...

Really?! "It's so white here"!! Once again, really?!! I've been subjected to ONE of those little trips in Gatlinburg, no less and the only time it would be fun for me is with a bunch of girlfriends and I'm liquored up good and we can go and do some serious people watching! God was just playing a funny joke on you trying to teach you about pergatory!!:)