Monday, December 29, 2008

I hate commercials

You know the one, it comes on every night during the news.
Erectile Dysfunction.

This morning C says he needs to talk. He wants to know why the commercial says to "see a doctor if an erection lasts more than 4 hours"?
"Well..." I start to explain.
C- "I mean, I get nervous when mine last longer than 4 minutes."
I literally spewed coffee all over the kitchen. Had to clean coffee off everything. That is why I hate ED commercials.

I know, I know

I totally suck at keeping up with my blog lately.

We have all been busy with the Holidays, give me a break girls!

Paint boy knows my track record of Holiday projects.
Christmas 2004- built screened porch
Thanksgiving 2005- built in closet
Christmas 2005- painted master bath
Spring Break 2007- remodeled boys bathroom

All he had to say,"So what are you going to do this week?"
Can you say Paint?
Yes, boys and girls, I am already tired of the Master bath color. Never, ever paint a bathroom red. Real Red. No matter how well it matches the vintage quilt on your bed that week.

This time its a lovely color called Drizzle. A slight blue green, with a touch of gray to give depth.
It only took 2 coats of primer and 2 coats of paint to make the red go away!

3 days of torture followed up every evening with dinner with visiting relatives.
From Boston.
That we see once a year.
They serve cranberry sauce as a condiment.
With every meal.
Not Kidding.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Worst Birthday ever.

Yesterday was the Big day. I have reached my mid-thirties. I remember my Mom being in her mid-thirties, I can't possibly be that old.

Woke up at the IL's. (I agreed to go since Paint boy's birthday is today. He is such a Momma's Boy and always celebrates with family.)
MIL made a huge country breakfast- PB's favorite ( he is #1 in his family)
Rushing around for church, no one mentions the birthday. ( I received a text from a good friend, but that's it!)
Come home from church and I am abandoned with my MIL, while PB and the kids go visit an old friend of FIL. (How did that occur? One minute they are there and the next, POOF! MIL and I sit in the same room, reading magazines and making small talk- still no birthday mention.)
Boys all come back and we head out to get lunch. Every restaurant in this tee-tiny town seems to be closed. We end up at Applebee's. (Could have been worse in the land of Fried, Fried and more Fried. But they wish me a Happy Birthday during lunch!)
During lunch J starts to cry. His "little cough" has sprung a fever and full blown strep throat.
We race back to Atlanta. (I am not taking my baby to a doctor in this town. Even my IL's drive 45 minutes to see a doctor.)
I then get to spend 3 hours at Children's Healthcare to find out that "yes, its Strep." (Can't they just have a line for mom's that can self diagnose? Just look at his throat and give me a scrip for Amoxil. I've been down this road a few times.)
We head to Publix. Yeah for free antibiotics!!! Amoxil, Motrin, new toothbrush and we are out of there.
On the way home PB calls to let me know he has taken care of dinner. Taco Bell. (Are you kidding me? In one day I eat at two restaurants that I avoid like the plague .)
I am all done. Next year has got to be better!

No Big Deal...

So we are sitting at dinner discussing the weeks events on Thursday night.

J is super excited because Friday was "Polar Express" day. You got to wear pajamas to school and drink hot chocolate. They showed the movie on a Big screen in the gym to all the first graders. Classic day in 6 year old land!

C was feeling pretty good himself. He said he had "mid-terms" but they "were no big deal."
Hair girl-"Excuse me? Mid terms occur in the middle of the term. Do you have finals??!?"
C-"Uh,maybe?" ( turning white)
Paint boy- "Have you been reviewing in classes all week? Have your teachers mentioned study guides? Have you lost your mind?" (Growing redder by the moment)
C- (deathly pale, just might pass out from fear, totally stammering) "I think I might head upstairs to study. Tomorrow I have Science, Geography and writing tests. Yeah, I think I'll go study now."
PB- " Good choice, son"

Bless his heart. Sometimes that elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. Especially when there is a sale on the phone calls and girlfriend floor.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Beauty and the Beast

Every year during the Holidays we take the boys to a musical. This year Beauty and the Beast. It was Fantastic! All local performers, so lots of families and friends in the audience.

After the show they came out to greet the "fans"!
J REALLY wanted to meet Belle. He was sooo shy. I had to talk him into just saying "hi".
C ran around and got everyone's autograph. He is convinced that one day he is going to sell all the autographs he has collected on E-bay. He's all about the cash!

The boys enjoyed the music and the performers, but none more so than Belle. According to C, "she was very talented and kinda' hot."
I will only worry if he starts sneaking the Disney DVD into his room.
ETA- Yes, the date stamp says 9/12. These shots were taken by Nana Judy. Guess what she's getting for Christmas?

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Happy boys!

Friday night was Little Lawyer's (Lawyer's wife's oldest son) Birthday party. The boys were going to camp out and roast marshmallows. They were so sweet to offer to let J have a sleep over with Little Mister. Mommy didn't want to be left out either so the party kept growing.
It became a HUGE spend the night.
8- 12 year old boys
4- 5-7 year old boys
1- 4 year old Babycakes
Lawyer's wife, Clemson girl, and me.

I laughed so hard that night that I snorted wine into my lungs. I don't think I will breathe right until Spring! Seriously, tears were streaming down my cheeks.

These are all things I learned-
*if you play Scrabble with those Lawyer and Lawyer's wife, be prepared to get cremated.
* just try to challenge Clemson girl, she makes up words that are real words! She may not know the definition but its a real word some where.
*Russian, french and polish words don't count. hee,hee
*LW can have all vowels and still find words to make.
*Tarn is the dirty word when you drop an f-bomb in the same sentence. Just sayin'.
* Ubiquitous is the biggest word ever made.
* Parents really do know that their kids are weird. I mean really weird, even the 5 year old noticed.

Baking- round 1

I was so busy, as we all are this time of year, but add on to the normal stress with 400 clients all wanting to look fantastic for their own festivities.
I decided to decompress last Monday. I did all the usual Monday chores- Laundry, bathing the dogs, general straightening up of life. Then I sat down with my cookbooks and made my lists.

COOKIES! I love to bake. This year I am adding to the usual sugar cookies with: macaroons, chocolate snow top cookies, rugelach and 2 types of fudge.
I got busy. While one dough was chilling, I made the next. While decorating one, I melted chocolate for another. I had an assembly line going.

The Rugelach turned out great- apricot and raspberry! My favorite. So easy with a secret that I found in a magazine this year. They have been my favorite cookie for a long time, but too much trouble to make very often. This trick will change all that.
The Snow tops were missing something, namely the nuts which my boys dislike. They needed something. They turned out so pretty, but beauty was only skin deep. They will be trashed before today is over-1 week and you are out of here. I thought they were dry and boring. Not my recipe, so, Oh well!
The Macaroons turned out fantastically. This year I added almond paste and they were so yummy. After sending a bag home with friends and taking some to the salon- they are all gone. I may have to revisit them again.
The fudge (chocolate marshmallow and peanut butter) is sitting in the fridge taunting me. I am encouraging everyone to eat it and I am sending it to all the neighbors. It made way too much!

This week will bring sugar cookies and jam thumbprints from Ida Garten. Her recipe is the absolute best. I'll let you know how baking round 2 turns out!

Party of the year

Last week was too busy for words, hence no posts!

The first Friday of December always brings the "Party of the year!" The Lawyer's Wife June Cleaver, Ms.Content and Sporty Spice throw this party together. It is always super fun. They don't hold back. Great Food, Great bar, Great people. This year they really blew out all the stops- they hired a band. No lie, Tom Petty in miniature was on guitar.

Ms. C, June, Sporty and me- as you can see, I am the short friend! They were all so cute carrying the wine or martini glasses that I gave each for their birthdays.

Me, Clemson girl and our friend, the FL girl.

Lawyer's Wife and her "shopping" wine glass. That girl can find a deal!

Paint Boy and me at the end of the evening after MUCH dancing.

Clemson and I totally glowing after all the dancing, sweet tea cocktails and laughter!
I had a fantastic time and I hope they have that band reserved for next year...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


Should you happen to visit a salon and have bowel issues, please clean your mess up in the bathroom.
Do NOT leave your poo for my assistant to clean! (she will now receive a poo bonus)
Do NOT place your pink granny panties on the top of the trash, at least bury them deep under the paper towels.
Do NOT put your poo-ie pants in my dryer to dry them out, with my clean towels that now must be rewashed 14 times!
Do NOT walk around the salon in your knee highs and flats with a smock against your bare butt! (I will burn said smock.)
Last but not least, please let your stylist know that any of the above has happened and not let it be a surprise for everyone!
Your $50 tip is NOT enough!!!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Thanksgiving, post 3

The rest of the family came in Thanksgiving morning. We were now 8 adults, 2 kids and 4 dogs. Yep, my step brother brought his Lab! There were way too much dog hair floating around. It was rolling across the floor and overtaking slow moving people. It was BAD.

We started on our annual Uno competition. 5 hours later we finished. Thank goodness for Firefly Vodka. 6 adults and 2 children should not play Uno. In 5 hours we completed 6 rounds. It was painful. J made it through 2 hands before the tears started. Bless his heart, my step mother's family are ruthless Uno Players!

The boys helped Papa J cook.

snapping fresh green beans

licking the spoon

Jake the Boxer wanted some too. My dad's dogs are the biggest beggars.

While cooking,I realized that my dad was making a LOT of food.
Me- Are you cooking for an army?
Dad- No, just the Navy. ( step-brother is a Navy pilot)
Me- Really, Dad. How much leftovers do you need?
Dad- There are going to be 18 of us.
Me- What??!?
Dad- I invited the neighbors!
Oh, damn. I drive 6 hours to see my father and he invites the whole damn neighborhood to dinner. Figures! He's all about a party, must be where I get it from...

Thanksgiving, post 2

My Dad and his wife LOVE dogs!
They have had a number over the years. This year they had a Boxer and an American Huskie. They invited us to bring Lucy. She is not a big deal to travel with, she weighs 7 pounds. They loved her, she tolerated them.

While discussing their dogs over breakfast, we found out that they had buried their Cocker Spaniel behind the fence in September. (there is a green space behind their yard) We were not really sorry to see Bear go. He was the meanest dog. C has a scar on his nose to prove it!

While burying Bear my dad realized that this was going to be a big hole and he was going to have to keep the animals away. He decided to pour Quikcrete over the bag to keep the dog safe. While discussing all of this with my step mother; they decided that since her mother had never said what to do with her ashes they would "dispose" of them here.
You got it-
They mixed Grandma in with the Quikcrete!

Not to worry they covered them both with stones and made to tiny markers.
The worst part of this story is that the woman HATED that dog!

Thanksgiving, post 1

We headed down to Tallahassee to visit my Dad.
Papa J was determined that we were going to eat when we arrived. Its a 5 hour trip (with NO traffic) and we left at 4:30, so under the best circumstances it would be 9:30. We rolled into his driveway at 11pm.
What was waiting on us? A BIG pan of Lasagna and lots of wine.
I actually had to eat lasagna at 11:00 at night to make my father happy.
BTW, there is a "clean plate club" even at my age. I am not kidding. I got yelled at last year for "wasting" spaghetti.